The Sandman's Page.: Testimonials.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Testimonials.

Hi everybody. This is the Sandman here. Saying that so far my new blog page is working out just fine. In fact, better than expected. I'm getting a whole new batch of customers each day. And a lot of people are quite happy with the service that i provide. After all, Where the hell else can you go to have a wish granted. it's like having your own genie in at the click of a mouse. Here are just a few testimonials from some of the characters that I've dealt with.

Ed Kasinski.
Chicago, Ill
Dear Sandman. I'm really grateful for granting my wish and giving me a chance to get even with my stupid Ex wife. I have to admit that I was skeptical at first. Then I was really surprised to see that my wish came through. The only downside was that I lost four fingers on my right hand. Think you can help me out with that?

Paul Dyson.
Pittsburgh, PA
Dear Sandman. Thanks a lot for granting me my wish. This guy was going to snitch on me to the cops after I knocked over that bank. So I had to get out of town fast. You really helped me out. The only problem is that I ended up in Antarctica. You want to talk about cold. It's cold as hell here. Good thing I found this little shack here. It's got a good supply of canned food here. The only thing is that I don't have a damn can opener. I need help. Maybe I should make a wish and go home. I can't take this damn cold. Why won't you answer my messages?

Mike Foster,
Pittsburgh, PA
Sandman. This is Mike Foster. You remember me. I wished for a disguise so that I can do that bank job, and I woke up being a girl. Ok. Enough is enough. When I wanted a disguise I didn't mean that I wanted to switch genders. Switch me back already.

Joe Bronson.
Swissvale, PA
Hi Sandman. I wanted to make a wish to get even with my girlfreind for dumping me. Can you explain to me how my house ends up burning down instead of hers?

Bobby Klein.
Clairton, PA.
Dear Sandman. I wished for a million dollars and for some reason I end up on the witness protection program. Getting the money was great. Sort of. I just wish that I could enjoy it instead of being stuck in this flea bag homeless shelter. I guess that the feds know what they're doing.

So there you have it folks. Just a few examples of the diversity of the many satisfied customers that I've dealt with. So why don't you hop on the bandwagon and make a wish. What have you got to loose?

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Meet The Sandman.

Hi freinds. How many of you have problems? In this world who doesn’t? Your job sucks. Boss won’t give you the raise or promotion that you deserve. Your partner is cheating on you. Neighbor’s dog barks too much at night. Your car won’t start. Life dishes out all kinds of problems. But now, finally, there’s something you can do about it. And I’m just the guy that can help. I’m known as the Sandman. And I’m an expert at making problems go away. I can grant you any wish that your twisted little heart desires.That’s right. You read correctly. I can grant you any wish. Ok. Ignore the twisted heart comment. But yes. Make a wish. You name it. I’ll grant it. Anything that you can imagine can be yours. And what am I asking for this? Just the amazing and unbelievable price of your dreams or nightmares. You see, I like to think of myself as a kind of reverse Freddy Kruger. Only without the knives. And that idiotic sweater. Does he ever wash that thing? But seriously. Does that pesky nightmare about taking a bath in a tub full of snakes cause you to wake up screaming? Being chased by a skeleton with a chainsaw creep you out? And that fond dream about dating your high school sweet heart. Hasn’t that dream gotten a little stale? Then trade in those stale, boring, or creepy dreams and nightmares and get something really cool. Just see yourself driving in that brand new fancy car. Your baldness problem solved. That certain person who gets on your nerves is finally dealt with. Money in the bank when you need it. Viagra? Who needs it when I can help you out? The Sandman can solve all your problems. No matter how big or small. So why let the problems of life get you down? And if you happen to have a little issue that you’d rather not have certain people know about. Namely a husband, wife, girlfreind, boyfreind, parents, priest, rabbi, or anyone connected with law enforcement. Then don’t worry. Your filthy little secret is safe with me. No matter how dark and dirty. Or kinky. So give me a call at 1-800 EVL-WAKS, (1-800-385-9257)send me an E-mail, or visit me at the Fallen Angel Tavern on Pittsburgh's North Side and we’ll set make a deal. Hey. What have you got to loose? ********************************************************************************** SPECIAL DISCLAIMER. (This offer is void where prohibited. Namely any church or synagoge. And any members of the clergy. This offer is excluded to minors under the age of 18. Any and all politicians of any political party. Even I’ve got my standards. And individuals who are mentally deficient or certifiably mentally unstable. And one last thing. Please don’t ask me if this involves selling your soul to Satan. That’s a whole different department. And besides. Most of the people that I deal with have souls that look worse that the floor of a bus station bathroom. Go sell your soul on Craig’s List. You might get a better offer.)